Bitches love cake

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me: what do i do to find out about my future
me: *calls 911*

bradtitt:

i always flip the first test page extra loudly just to show everyone that im better than them

image

(via its-my-happy-face)

the-vashta-nerada:

ALRIGHT SO IT’S 2:30 IN THE MORNING AND I WAS JUST ABOUT TO FALL ASLEEP AND  THEN I SAT UP AND ALMOST SCREAMED BECAUSE I WAS STRUCK WITH REALIZATION AND I DISCOVERED THE ULTIMATE TRUTH OF THE UNIVERSE

TELETUBBIES ARE CALLED TELETUBBIES BECAUSE THEY HAVE TELEVISIONS IN THEIR STOMACHS

(via littlegirl-whysosad)

hollandmartinn:

r0ki:

thatrockerdude:

chabothedino:

cryforce:

thewriterkid:

Fun things to say when someone tells you they’re going to go to the bathroom:

  • Stay safe
  • Congratulations
  • That’s what they all say
  • Different strokes for different folks
  • I hope you have the time of your life
  • But you have so much to live for
  • Please explain
  • think of me
  • Don’t fall in
  • I’ll alert the media
  • Good luck
  • Have fun
  • Mention my name and you’ll get a good seat

(via stones-that-i-carry-around)

vuls:

*breaks down your front door* i just shaved my legs feel them

(via stones-that-i-carry-around)

littlelotte-xo:

curlicuecal:

Games with English: insert the word “only” anywhere into the above sentence and consider how the placement changes meaning.

Omg this is cool

littlestpetdjpinkie:

When people with bad grammar try to insult you like

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(via sniffing)

uncombined:

when your teacher is being a bitch after you forgot your homework

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(via sniffing)

"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap."

- Anthony Hopkins (via bl-ossomed)

(Source: kjdnvgaksjnd, via letsrunawaayx)

plaineasyandsimple:

this one time a guy in my class was gonna download his presentation from hotmail.com

HE SPELLED IT WRONG

HE SPELLED HOTMALE.COM

HE WAS CONNECTED TO THE PROJECTOR

WE WERE TWELVE

JUST IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED

(Source: thelifeof-moa, via sniffing)